


Out Of Orbit

by Spriingflower



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Second Chances, a hint of (implied) soulmates, the second chance at life realtionship fix it no one asked for, there is a talking cat guardian angel in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26614507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spriingflower/pseuds/Spriingflower
Summary: When Seungmin's life comes to an early end he is taken back in time to fix his biggest regret. Because, you see, Kim Seungmin wasn't supposed to leave like that. Young and unfulfilled. He made a wrong choice and it lead him to a dead end. But there is a chance of fixing it. And Seungmin knows exactly what it is. It all starts and ends with Hwang Hyunjin, his high school boyfriend.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57
Collections: Seungmin-Centric Ficfest





	Out Of Orbit

**Author's Note:**

> There is a brief mention/description of a traffic accident in the first part of this but it's not graphic. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this mess of a story! <3

Seungmin shuts the door of his fridge with a soft sigh. The leftovers from yesterday must have somehow gotten bad already, that glass of yoghurt is way past the expiry date and the only other thing left is some not so appealing looking fruit. So no breakfast today. That's okay, he's already kind of late either way. Maybe he'll be able to grab something in the cafeteria during a free period later. He'll survive to go hungry for the first two lectures of the day.

When Seungmin steps away from the small fridge he notices a piece of paper on the floor. Probably some note that was attached to the fridge with one of the many mismatched magnets. Seungmin and his roommate basically communicate through notes only since their schedules are so different. His roommate, Changbin, is a somewhat grumpy guy who stays up late, leaves the house at noon and comes back late in the evening. Seungmin, on the other hand, has to get up early for lectures and often stays at the university until late in the afternoon. Occasionally they are home at the same time to eat dinner – usually just take out or some instant noodles – together. But mostly the only thing Seungmin sees of his roommate is his handwriting on little notes stuck to the fridge. Grocery lists, announcing that he'll be gone for a couple of days, stuff like _sorry I used up your milk_ and the occasional _hey I'm doing my laundry today, want me to wash your stuff as well while I'm at it? Just drop it in front of my room._

Seungmin has never taken him up on that offer. He wouldn't want for Changbin to carelessly throw in a red sock with his whites and mess up half of his wardrobe or something like that. Okay, maybe Seungmin is a little unfair, but he's just particular about stuff like that. Laundry, cleaning, keeping the place as tidy as two overworked students possibly can. So, despite already being kind of late, Seungmin picks up that note on the floor to put it back on the fridge where it belongs and freezes mid-movement. Because it's not a note at all. It's a picture. One that Seungmin doesn't remember sticking on the fridge but he must have because it's his picture. He took it years ago. It shows two young boys smiling into the camera. One of them has cherry red hair, recently dyed, the other black hair that's starting to become a little too long and shaggy. The boy with the dark hair has one arm wrapped around the redhaired one who is using both his arms to hold up the camera at an angle that will make them both like nice. It's a polaroid picture, taken on that white Instax camera Seungmin used to carry around with him everywhere back in those days. Back when he was in high school and had dyed his hair red in an act of rebellion or something like that. Or rather, Hyunjin had dyed it for him. They were boyfriends back then, even though barely anyone knew about it.

He hasn't seen Hyunjin in over the year. The last time they ran into each other was at the new year's party of a mutual school friend. Hyunjin has grown his hair out even more and probably bleached it as well. It looked surprisingly good on him. Then again, anything would look good on Hyunjin. He always had the physique of a model, long slender limbs, pretty face, skin like marble and that perfect little mole on his face. They only talked briefly, maybe a couple of minutes or so, before Hyunjin went back into the arms of the guy who he had brought with him. Some foreign-looking dude with dimples and a kind smile. Hyunjin seemed to be doing well, he talked with a smile as he told Seungmin all about the dance academy he was currently going to. Seungmin told him that he was doing okay as well, even though he probably wasn't all that convincing. He didn't stay long enough to watch Hyunjin kiss his date at midnight. Instead, he went back home early to get drunk with his mess of a roommate in their mess of a shared apartment that is actually way too small to house two people. Because that is the reality of Seungmin's life. Even though he likes to talk about it as if everything is perfect, his reality is far from it.

Sure, he has everything he always wanted, the independence of living by himself, the scholarship to his dream university thanks to his top-notch grades from highschool, a path that is straight-forward and planned thoroughly. Everything he wanted and yet that straight path feels so narrow at times. Like a tunnel. Now that he's entered there is no way to make a turn or change directions. He's stuck on this linear path of the perfect life. Eventually, it'll lead him to some desk job, as an accountant maybe, that will allow him to live comfortably. Probably marriage, children, everything a perfectly average guy like him could want. And yet...

Seungmin takes an absent-minded look at the clock above their kitchen counter and drops whatever thought he was having just now. There are barely five minutes left until he should be at the tram station. At least if he's planning to be on time for his lecture. And he knows that that particular professor doesn't take kindly to tardiness. With no time left to figure out what to do with that picture, he stuffs it into the pocket of his jacket. He'll figure out how it even got in the kitchen in the first place later. For now he has to run. If he rides his bike to the station he might just make it on time.

Big cities are usually not good places for cyclist. Well, some more modern cities that want to encourage people to be more eco friendly by taking the bike to work may be. But this city surely isn't one of them. The sidewalks are narrow and stuffed with pedestrians and the streets are for cars, no additional marked part for bikes at all. So Seungmin has to do his best to drive on the side of the road and avoid traffic. But it's just a short way to the station either way. He'll just have to go over the crossroad, then take a left, go down the street to the end and then-

A car honks behind Seungmin several times in very quick succession just as he drives onto the crossroad. He glances over his shoulder to check what's going on when he suddenly hears a much louder noise from his left. Squeaking tires and the loud blaring of the horn belonging to a truck. He manages to whip his head around just in time to see the approaching vehicle. His hands tense around the handles of his bike. There is no time to stop on the brakes or speed up – both options would be pointless either way – all he can do to brace himself for the impact is close his eyes and think one last thought.

_Fuck._

★

Seungmin wakes up to a throbbing pain in his head. It's so overwhelming that he can't feel anything else for a moment but then, one by one, his other senses kick in. Every piece of information they throw at Seungmin's plagued brain sends a new wave of pain through his head. Something is poking into his back, whatever he's lying on is uneven and there are uncomfortable small objects that vary in shape and how sharply they are pressing into his back. Some are softer, some are hard and almost spiky. His head, however, is rested on something soft. His face is warm, probably from a nearby source of light. It must be a very bright light because even with his eyes closed Seungmin is seeing red. He squeezes his eyes shut a little more to block the light completely when there is a sudden movement above his face. A shadow slides over his eyes and blocks the blinding light. Carefully he opens his eyes to look straight at a hand that is held protectively over his face to cover him from the blinding sun. Seungmin tilts back his head slowly to see the person attached to the hand and jolts upright once he sees his face.

„Hey, careful, if you get up so fast you'll get dizzy“, Hyunjin warns with a pout. He looks exactly like in that picture. Long dark and unruly hair, the top two buttons of the shirt belonging to his school uniform undone, sleeves cuffed unevenly and pushed up to his elbows. He must have ditched the blazer somewhere. There is a small pout on his face as he looks at Seungmin with growing worry.

„Hyunjin?“, he asks in a hollow voice, he feels so disconnected from his own body in this moment. Like a satellite, drifting through space. Removed from the situation, but still keeping a watching eye. The other boy raises his eyebrow a little.

„Ya?“

„Why are you here?“

„What do you mean why am I here?“ The worry on Hyunjin's face fades to make room for his growing confusion. „Did you expect me to leave after you fell asleep?“ He adds in a little chuckle with that question but it's not enough to mask how tense the atmosphere suddenly is.

„No, I mean why are we- why am I- Ugh“, Seungmin ends his question in a frustrated growl. He doesn't even know what exactly he wants to know. Nothing makes sense. The fact that he is here. The fact that Hyunjin is here. The fact that both of them are in their school uniforms from years ago, sitting in some park in their old hometown when just moments ago Seungmin was on his way to university getting run over by a damn truck.

„Are you okay, did you hit your head or something?“, Hyunjin asks, slowly extending a hand to place it onto Seungmin's shoulders. He flinches back and jumps onto his feet. His head is still pounding and his vision goes blurry for a moment, stars dance in front of his eyes.

„I have to go“, he forces before he just starts walking. Hyunjin calls after him several times but Seungmin just speeds up his steps and soon he is running with no clear direction.

Seungmin stops once he is slightly out of breath and takes a proper look around for the first time. He remembers this area very clearly. It's still not too far from the park, near the sports field where he used to play baseball with friends from school sometimes. The area here is very rural and mostly untouched, not a lot of houses, lots of trees and bushes that give nice shade in the summer. Somewhere down the road here is a small ice cream shop that closed maybe a year or so after Seungmin graduated. But when he was still in school Hyunjin and he used to stop by there after school on summer days. Or even milder days in early spring as they got to their final year. And then they'd stroll down that nice little road with the trees and enjoy the shade. On particularly nice days they'd stop to spend some times in the park, just sitting in the grass below a tall tree and talking about everything and nothing. Those days are long gone and yet here he is.

„Hey, kid“, a voice suddenly calls out to Seungmin. At least he's pretty sure that it's calling out to him. There isn't really anyone else around. There also isn't anyone in sight who that voice could have belonged to though. It seemed to be coming from farther away and at the same time it felt as if whoever called out to Seungmin was speaking directly into his ear. He turns around himself to look for the source of it. He can't pinpoint the exact direction that voice came from. To be honest, he can't really pin down anything about that voice. It sounded neither particularly young nor old. Neither male nor female. Generic and yet Seungmin would probably recognise it in an instant if that person were to speak up again.

„Hey, down here“, the voice says. Seungmin lowers his gaze, expecting to find someone crouched between the bushes or hidden out of his line of sight in some similar way. But there is just a fat cat with patchy grey fur looking up at him with almost cartoonishly yellow eyes. Seungmin kneels down to pet it while he continues looking around. Maybe that voice didn't come from over here after all. Or maybe that person wasn't even calling for him. The day has been somewhat weird, he wouldn't be surprised if he started hearing things now.

„Ey, no touching“, the voice says. At the same time, the cat hisses at Seungmin and takes a step back, arching it's back, fur sticking up aggressively. Seungmin pulls his hand back almost as quickly as that one time he accidentally placed his palm on the still warm stove.

„D-did you just talk?“, he says. The second he finishes his sentence he already regrets it. He must have hit his head really damn hard in that collision earlier if he is seriously considering that a cat is talking to him. Speaking of, shouldn't he be in the hospital? Or maybe he is. Maybe he's in some sort of coma and this is all a very weird hyper-realistic dream. That would explain everything. So he's seeing Hyunjin because he was looking at that old picture earlier and this is just his mind conjuring up images from the subconscious. Doesn't one of his neighbours have a cat that looks kind of like this one? Seungmin is sure that he fed leftover tuna to it once. Also-

„Course I am, you see anyone else around here talking to you?“, the cat asks. It doesn't move its mouth while it's speaking but still, the voice is distinctively coming from it. It's the odd feeling of hearing a certain buzzing in the middle of the night and knowing exactly that it's coming from your refrigerator in the next room over. The cat has settled down again, sitting on his hind legs and licking one of its paws. Seungmin sits down on the ground as well. Now that he has figured out that this is all just some dream he suddenly feels at ease. He'll worry about the possible coma and the implications of that later. For now, he might as well just listen to what that cat has to say.

„I guess not, so what do you want from me?“

„Well, I've got some good news and some bad news“, the cat begins, casually licking its paw and then using it to scratch the back of its head. Seungmin watches patiently. He feels a little silly sitting in the dirt and talking to a cat but well, his mind can be a weird place sometimes and he's had weirder dreams before.

„Bad news first I guess“, Seungmin says, because the cat doesn't seem to be willing to spill it anytime soon if he doesn't push for it. The cat puts down its paw and looks at Seungmin with a sudden intensity that makes him shiver. Those odd yellow eyes seem to be staring right into his soul. Like something out of a nightmarish children's animation film.

„Well, you died.“

„I- WHAT?!“, Seungmin yells at the cat. It doesn't even flinch but a couple that was walking through the park turn their heads to stare at him for a second before they immediately turn away and begin walking faster. Usually, Seungmin would be embarrassed by that unwanted attention but apparently he is already dead, so who cares about strangers in a park thinking he's lost his mind?

„You died“, the cat repeats in that weird emotionless voice. It's almost robotic and at the same time oddly human.

„I heard you the first time but what the fuck do you mean I died? How am I here, talking to a cat, when I am already fucking dead?“

„You see, that's the good news“, the cat continues in a sort of chit-chatty tone as if they are having a mundane conversation about the weather. „You've been given a second chance to fix everything. You know, you weren't really supposed to die like this. Young and unfulfilled. You must have made a wrong turn somewhere down the road and you ended up at a dead end. So we took you back here to fix it. There is something you regret and this is your chance to make amends.“

 _Hyunjin._ This has to be about Hyunjin. If there is anything that Seungmin has regretted over the past years it's how things between Hyunjin and him have ended. But...

„What exactly do I have to do to _make things right_?“, he asks.

„Well, that's really up to you to figure out, I can't tell you how to live your life“, the cat says. If cats could shrug it probably would have.

„What if I can't make it right?“

„Then things are going to unfold the same way they did the first time. But this time you'll die for good.“

„And then?“ Seungmin has never really thought much about death. It's probably not something anyone is comfortable thinking about. He remembers his uncle dying when he was still young though. After the funeral, his mother had told him, that her brother was in a better place now. She didn't tell him what that place was. Maybe she didn't know either. Maybe it was just something she told herself to make the loss less painful.

„I can't answer that for you kid, death is whatever you think it is.“ Even though the cat isn't moving at all the voice seems to become more distant with every word.

„Are you God?“, Seungmin asks. The cat meows. With its own mouth this time, no ghostly voice. A normal cat sound coming from a suddenly very normal-looking cat. The piercing yellow eyes have dulled down a little to the point where they are almost a muddy brown. Before Seungmin can say anything else the cat is already on its feet and walking away from him. Seungmin tries to grab it and it hisses at him before jumping into the nearest bush.

„Hey, come back here“, Seungmin yells but to no avail. The cat is gone and the weird voice that possessed it has left with it. Seungmin smashes his fist on the ground in frustration and he's about to scream for the damn cat again when he hears a small sound behind him. Someone gently clearing their throat in the way you do when you have been waiting for several minutes to get a word in but have been too polite to interrupt.

„Are you okay?“

Seungmin doesn't have to turn around to know that it's Hyunjin and yet seeing him actually stand there when he does feels unreal. Like one of them is not really supposed to be here.

„Uh“, Seungmin starts, realising that Hyunjin is still staring at him and probably waiting for some kind of answer. Something. Anything at all. „There was a cat and it, uh, it scratched me“, he mumbles. It's not quite the truth, actually far from it. But there was a cat. Maybe. Something that looked like a cat. Perhaps.

„You're acting weird“, Hyunjin says, not even bothering with the whole thing about the cat. Maybe it's best to just forget about that for now. Seungmin would like to reply something along the lines that it's not him it's everything else that is weird but he can't. There is no way to explain. How would he even begin? _Hey Hyunjin, I'm actually from the future where I died and now some cat god has allowed me a second chance at life_. Sure sounds like something a sane person would say.

„I guess I'm just feeling kinda weird. Dizzy. My head feels like I was run over by a truck or something. Maybe it's the sun.“

Hyunjin gives him another concerned look before he reaches out a hand. Seungmin looks at it for a bit, the beautiful long fingers and the veiny hands with the velvety skin that he remembers so clearly wrapping around his own hand. Finally, before things could get even more awkward, he takes Hyunjin's hand. Hesitantly. Maybe, just maybe, there is still a slight chance that this is all a dream. That the moment he touches Hyunjin everything will fall apart around him. And he will once again wake up alone in his cold bed in his small room. Trapped in the life he always wanted. And then there is an equally small chance that this is real. That it will feel real. And that's just as scary. Touching Hyunjin again. Holding his hand as if they are boyfriends again. Acting out this fantasy of a world where everything was easier and they'd laugh and hold hands and stop for ice cream on their way back home.

But when Seungmin takes Hyunjin's hand it's neither of those two. Not the big firework and sparks flying of a fantasy romance and not the world collapsing around him. It's normal. And maybe that's even worse. Because it's always been so easy for Seungmin to feel normal around Hyunjin. To be comfortable. He's never been a super touchy-feely person. But it's alright as long as it's Hyunjin. Even after all this time, it's still so easy. Because it's Hyunjin.

„Do you want me to walk you home?“, he offers. Seungmin just nods weakly. The question alone has made a million more realisations hit him all at the same time as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head. He's a student again now and he still lives with his parents. Home is back in the small town where Hyunjin and hew grew up where everything is serene and the neighbours greet him with a smile on their faces. Home isn't the loud and hectic city he's come to know. Not yet. And depending on the path it takes maybe it won't be.

Seungmin doesn't fully realise the implications of the whole waling home thing until Hyunjin and he stop in front of the door of his childhood home. For a moment Seungmin just stands there and Hyunjin eyes him somewhat concerned but also somewhat suspicious.

„Everything alright? Did you forget your key?“, he asks. Seungmin shakes his head quickly. Even though he was inclined to say, that he doesn't even have a key anymore for just a second. He gave that key back to his parents when he moved out. But since he hasn't yet from this point in time, it should still be in his backpack. The same pocket where it always is. Seungmin never removed the key from that pocket, except when locking and unlocking the front door. Otherwise, it would always be in the same spot. Easy to find and easy to grab. Hyunjin always had his key in a different pocket. Sometimes even a different bag altogether. He'd take it out of his jacket and then stuff it into a pocket of his jeans only to then search in his bag later, unable to remember where he put it. Seungmin would always scold him for it and tell him to just keep his stuff in the same place. But at the same time, he'd also remember where Hyunjin put everything and help him find his misplaced keys. And then Hyunjin would smile at him and say something along the lines of _as long as I have you I don't think I could ever lose something._ Seungmin shakes his head again, then he reaches for his backpack. The key really is exactly where he remembers always putting it. He takes it out and dangles it in front of Hyunjin's eyes.

„It's right here“, he says. He tries to put on a smile. Make it convincing but even without really looking at Hyunjin's face he knows that the other isn't buying it. Seungmin sighs. „Sorry for earlier. I'm really confused right now. I think I just need some sleep.“

Hyunjin gives him a sympathetic smile. „Yeah. You worked really hard, didn't you? But we finally made it.“

Right. They made it. They just finished their final exam a while today, the big CSAT. Probably they got their results already. It should be around January. Even though it feels oddly warm for January. But Seungmin remembers that their final spring was like that. As if everything started to soon, early bloom everywhere. And then it all ended too abruptly. Soon they'll be high school graduates. From here on out it's just retaking exams – if they need to which they both don't – preparations for university and lazy afternoons.

„Yeah, we did it“, Seungmin repeats. For a moment they just stand there, awkwardly silent. Hyunjin seems to be waiting for something and Seungmin knows exactly what it is. And that he can't give it to him. Not here. Not now. „I should head inside“, he mumbles.

There is a split second of disappointment on Hyunjin's face. Like the shadow cast by a cloud blocking the sun as it floats by. And then it's gone.

„Sure, I'll see you tomorrow.“

Seungmin waves at Hyunjin as he walks down the street before he turns back to the door takes a deep breath and then opens it. The first thing he notices is the strong smell of food wafting from the kitchen. The next thing is the music. His mother is humming along to some tune on the radio. Seungmin steps inside hesitantly, he feels like a stranger, a visitor in his own home. He takes off his shoes and places them neatly together before he puts on a pair of slippers. He nearly tiptoes into the hallways that leads to the kitchen before he calls out to his mother.

„Hey, I'm home.“

Her head pokes out of the doorframe almost instantly. Her big curls are messy and look even poofier from all the steam in the kitchen. Her colourful apron is spattered with something red – probably some kind of sauce or spice mix – and her sleeves underneath are rolled up to her elbows.

„You're late“, she notices. It's not a complaint but rather an observation. She always had that way of making these statements that could seem accusatory sound almost neutral. Which would only make Seungmin feel more guilty and defensive.

„I was with Hyunjin“, he explains. His mother gives him this knowing look but doesn't say anything else just reminds him that dinner will be ready in half an hour so he still has time for a shower if he wants to. He hasn't had the whole talk with her yet – well actually he did but that was before the whole being transported back in time thing – but even then he always kinda assumed that she knew and was just waiting for him to open up to her. She later confirmed that. Or will confirm that? When he will have had the talk. This whole thing is so confusing. Because there are still all these memories inside of Seungmin's head of things that haven't happened yet from the point of view where he is now. And maybe these things won't happen this time around. He wonders if the memories will just fade then or if there will always be two timelines existing in his head. If he will remember the fact that he died. He hasn't even had time to think about the fact that he will have to die a second time.

It's already way past midnight but Seungmin is still thinking about his conversation with the cat. A moment where he made the wrong decision that led him down this path that ultimately led him to a dead end. Quite literally. He has a pretty good feeling about what it could be. Now that he's thinking about it, this all probably started when he decided to not move in together with Hyunjin.

That would also explain why he ended up at this moment in time precisely. They are about to graduate high school but their future plans aren't set in stone yet. And it was at this moment that Hyunjin made a proposition. About attending the same local university, finding some small place they could rent out together. Actually living together, sleeping in the same bed every night. Maybe even go public about their whole relationship. He had this whole romanticised idea about their future. About waking up next to each other and making breakfast together on the weekends. About cuddling together in front of the TV as they watch some silly rom-com. All that one would imagine coming with that kind of relationship.

And Seungmin turned him down.

They didn't break up then. Not quite yet. But they grew apart. Not just in terms of the new distance – maybe an hour by train for them to visit each other – they also called less and less. Texted with reducing frequency. What used to be a good night and good morning text every day with hundreds of other small messages in between turned into occasional messaging throughout the day. And then every other day. Shorter messages. No more hearts, no more stickers. No more _I love you_ s when they hung up on the phone.

Hyunjin broke things off with him officially when Seungmin came home for Christmas. Probably he had wanted to end things for way longer than that. And maybe one way or another it had already ended far before that. When Seungmin had become so busy that he could not keep in touch, when he had moved out, when he had decided against Hyunjin. Yeah, that had probably been the beginning of the end. Ultimately he had sacrificed his relationship with Hyunjin for that perfect path of life. The stable and secure one. But somehow that shining golden bridge collapsed underneath him and sent him crashing into cold water.

But would things really have gone so differently if he had chosen Hyunjin back then? Sure, he wouldn't have moved to Seoul, so that truck couldn't have hit him, but maybe something else would have happened. Maybe they would have broken up either way. Maybe Seungmin would have resented Hyunjin for making him give up on his dream – not knowing that that dream would easily turn out to be a nightmare. There are so many maybes involved in this strange situation. Nothing is really for certain. And no decision feels like the right one to make.

Maybe it's a good thing that he died. Maybe it was just his time to go and life had nothing else to offer. But then why send him back?

With his mind still racing Seungmin finally falls into an uneasy sleep.

Seungmin had assumed that it would be weird to just go back to being boyfriends with Hyunjin but it's surprisingly easy. Maybe even dangerously so. It's so easy for Seungmin to just let go around Hyunjin. To allow himself to fall knowing that he will always be caught. Showing vulnerability, opening up, all these things that he would normally struggle with are so easy with Hyunjin. And it's just like back then.

They sneak around after school, stealing kisses where no one can see them. Bodies pressed together tightly, Seungmin's fingers entangled in the shaggy dark hair as their lips clash together, desperate to steal each other's breath. Hyunjin nibbles on Seungmin's bottom lip softly as he runs a hand down the side of his body. Seungmin shivers in the mild weather of mid-January as he presses even closer to Hyunjin. He's with his back against the wall, Hyunjin right in front of him pressing him up against it and yet there is still too much free room that needs to be filled. Especially when Hyunjin pulls back, a soft smile on his slightly swollen lips.

„I'm going to miss this damn gym building“, he snickers. Seungmin rolls his eyes at him before cautiously glancing around. Even though they have been using this spot since practically forever without ever being seen by anyone he's, still anxious about it. Not because he'd be ashamed of being seen with Hyunjin, but because he feels that Hyunjin should be ashamed of being seen with him. Because Hyunjin is popular, a high school heartthrob, who gets longing stares in the hallway and chocolates on Valentine's Day and Seungmin... well, he's just some guy compared to that.

„Hey, I can see that you're overthinking something again“, Hyunjin says. He says it softly. It's an observation but so different from how his mother would make the same statement. When Hyunjin makes these observations they are always free of any judgement. They are an invitation to explain why he is acting this way rather than accusing him for it.

„There's just... a lot on my mind right now“, Seungmin says. There really is and understandably so. Even if it weren't for the circumstances he's currently in there would be much to think about. Way too much for one young boy to handle on his own.

„Yeah, I feel you“, Hyunjin mumbles. There is a small pause, then: „Hey, have you decided what universities you want to apply to? I'm sure with your score on the CSAT you could even make it into one of the SKY universities.“

„Oh come on, I did well but you need a near-perfect score to get accepted there“, Seungmin mumbles. He knows, that he is avoiding the question and Hyunjin knows it too.

„Okay, so not SKY, then where do you want to go?“, he reiterates. Seungmin shrugs but he knows that he's only buying time now. He's had this conversation once before and there is no way to get away from the outcome.

„I've been thinking about Konkuk... maybe.“

„That's in Seoul“, Hyunjin mumbles. Seungmin nods, not knowing what else he could say.

„Yeah.“

„That's pretty far from here.“

„Yeah...“

Hyunjin laughs, but there is something so far from happy in that usually cheerful sound. „You know, I was thinking that maybe we could go to the same university together. Maybe even move in. I don't know. Maybe it was a silly idea, to begin with.“

„No, it's not silly I just... need time to think“, Seungmin replies quickly. Mainly because he doesn't want to see Hyunjin sad but also because he genuinely needs more time. He's had two years to think this over and he still doesn't know for sure whether the choice he made back then had been the wrong one.

„Sure, as I said, it's just a silly idea right now. I also haven't really thought about it. But there is still a month or so left until we have to make a final decision. Let's just forget about it for now and enjoy our time together.“ Hyunjin has easily switched back to his usual sunny attitude, as if Seungmin had just imagined that brief moment of uncertainty colouring his features dark and making his eyes cloud over.

„Yeah, let's just have fun together for now“, Seungmin agrees. Who knows how much more time they still have to fool around like this?

It's the day when Hyunjin suddenly decides to dye Seungmin's hair cherry red that he brings up the topic again. At least this time Seungmin is somewhat prepared for it. The dyeing as well as the conversation.

Hyunjin shows up around three in the afternoon on a Saturday, unannounced and with one bottle of box bleach and one bottle of red hair dye stuffed into the mess of a bag he has slung over his shoulder. He greets Seungmin with a hug that quickly turns into a kiss as they stumble back into the hallway. Luckily Seungmin's parents are currently away.

Seungmin doesn't ask about the dye. Doesn't even ask anything. First of all, because this time around he already knows all the answers. And then there is the fact that he'd so much rather spend all of his time kissing Hyunjin than talk to him. Part of him wishes that they could just always be like this. Lazy afternoons in the park, stolen kisses behind the school building. A life of tranquillity, somewhere between being out in the open and yet hiding in the shadows. Where it's just the two of them and nothing ever changes and they don't have to go anywhere or be anyone. But change is always coming. Sometimes in small doses, like the dye that Hyunjin is currently pouring into Seungmin's freshly bleached hair and sometimes in big life-changing moments like when he asks his next question.

„So we'll officially be graduating soon, have you made your decision yet? About what you want to do after?“

„Not really“, Seungmin mumbles. He's looking everywhere but at Hyunjin. There are a few specks of dust floating in the air, illuminated by a single ray of sunshine peeking through the window and Seungmin feigns complete interest in this little constellation. At least he can't see the disappointment on Hyunjin's face that way. But he can clearly hear it in his voice when he continues talking.

„I wanted to ask you about that thing I mentioned recently. You know, the whole studying together thing. I talked to my uncle who lives in the area of that university I told you about. He said he could help us find a place to stay. But we kind of have to tell him our decision as soon as possible if we want to move in by the start of the semester. Please Seungmin.“

Hyunjin grabs Seungmin's hand with both of his and even though he vowed he wouldn't give in and look at him Seungmin can't help but turn his head. There is a sort of gravitational pull. Hyunjin is the centre of his universe and all of Seungmin's life revolves around him. Hyunjin is the sun and Seungmin's thoughts are the planets spinning around it, slowly spiralling out of control.

But Hyunjin's hand is warm. Comforting. And it would be so easy to just say yes. To just give in. But there is another force at play. Water always takes the path of least resistance. And Seungmin is just like that. There is a perfectly narrow path laid out in front of him. An easy life. Maybe not the most fulfilling one, but the one everyone else expects him to have. It's what his parents, who made sure to pay for a good education since he was five would want for him. It's what his teachers, who are more than willing to help with applications for any prestigious university expect of him. It's what the society he grew up in wants him to do.

It's like a river streaming down the side of a hill. No resistance. And Seungmin is just allowing the current to carry him down to the ocean. But Hyunjin is different. Hyunjin is always swimming upstream, hoping for that gorgeous view from the top. And Seungmin doesn't know if he has that strength, even though his heart is aching for it so badly.

The application papers for Konkuk are on his desk. His mother printed them out for him and placed them there to subtly ask him to get it over with. Seungmin has filled it out, placed it in an envelope, sealed it and then placed it back on the desk with no intention of bringing it down to the post office any time soon. Next to that unmarked envelope is a brochure of the university he knows Hyunjin will attend. The one Hyunjin wants them to attend together. It's not as prestigious, more of a small local kind of university. Just a couple of hundred students, which might still be a lot but seems like nothing compared to the thousands at the big universities in the city's capital. The library isn't that great and the cafeteria doesn't offer meal options on the weekend. But it's where Hyunjin will be. And maybe that alone could make up for everything else.

Why would Seungmin need to spend all his free time in a library when he has his lovely boyfriend to come home to? Why would he need cheap cafeteria food when Hyunjin and he could just cook together on the weekends? Why would he need anything when he could have a life with Hyunjin?

„I'm still thinking“, Seungmin finally says.

The memories of how things went down back then become hazier and hazier with every passing day. Maybe because there have already been to many changes from how Seungmin remembers things happening the first time around. Or at least he thinks that there was something different. There is a weird feeling that things were different once but he can't pin down the differences anymore. That they when they sat in the park on that oddly warm day in January, did they always leave early? When they had that conversation behind the gym, didn't it always go exactly like that? And when they took that picture just yesterday, wasn't it always exactly like that? Hyunjin kissing him on the cheek as Seungmin shyly smiles for the camera he himself is holding.

The details are all fuzzy now. He can't remember when or where he and Hyunjin met. But he has a feeling that the first time around there were fewer dates. Now they see each other pretty much every weekend. In addition to hanging out after school. There aren't really any classes anymore at this point. It's mostly just preparation, retake exams for those who have to take it, counselling for students who still haven't decided on their future. Seungmin has passed that door every other day, sometimes stopping in front of it for a moment, but he knows that the answer he is looking for is not behind that door. It's with Hyunjin.

So maybe Seungmin is purposely spending as much time as possible with his boyfriend. Because the truth is that he never fell out of love with Hyunjin. This Hyunjin right here. The bright smiley high school boy with a beautiful face and the even more gorgeous personality. Because that's the thing about Hyunjin. Most people are blinded by his beauty and don't really look beyond that. But Seungmin saw Hyunjin grow up, more or less, they've known each other since middle school. Seungmin has watched Hyunjin grow into the beauty he is now. But he has adored him even before that. Seungmin had always liked Hyunjin for how clever and kind and hardworking he is. How he treats everyone the same, no matter their popularity in class. How he is so sure of himself without being egocentric or narcissistic. He's just confident in his ability. Constantly seeking to improve. Always learning. Staying up for hours before exams. Falling asleep with his head on the table as Seungmin explains mathematical functions to him late into the night.

Seungmin has always been in love with that Hyunjin. Even long before he had realised his own feelings he was always following him around. He always tried to be close to him, always around, like a planet in the orbit of Hyunjin's bright aura. There had always been some unexplainable force pulling Seungmin to Hyunjin. Making him unable to let go. And yet, like a magnet that was suddenly turned around, every time he got to close he pushed back again. But Seungmin has always been in love with Hyunjin. The Hyunjin that he had let go off. Even though he should have known better. But Seungmin had always assumed that even if their paths would ultimately split he could still be happy watching Hyunjin from afar. Like an astronaut floating in space, looking back at his home planet from so far away. But in the end, all he felt was cold and isolated.

Choosing Hyunjin is so obviously the right choice. It's so obvious to Seungmin that it almost hurts to admit that he knows. That he always knew. That even if this means swimming upstream and abandoning this nice and easy path he'd always want to choose Hyunjin over anything else. And yet he didn't. Because he knew but he didn't dare to. And even though he could fix everything now he still hesitates. Seungmin had wanted to say yes from the second he woke up with his head in Hyunjin's lap on. He had wanted to embrace him, hold him tight and promise him to never let go again. And yet he doesn't.

A scratching on Seungmin's window interrupts his thoughts suddenly and he looks up. It's dark outside already and he can't make out anything but rough shapes and figures. There is the tall tree right outside of his window. Maybe one of the branches was pushed against the window by a breeze. Seungmin is about to forget about it when the sound repeats. With more urgency this time.

He jumps up and hesitantly approaches the window. There is some dark figure, small, almost shaped like a grey blob on the outside his room, sitting on the branch, staring at him with hauntingly yellow eyes. Seungmin pulls open the window to let the cat jump inside. It jumps onto his bed without hesitation and gets comfortable as Seungmin watches in utter astonishment.

„Why are you here?“, he finally manages to stammer. The cat licks its paw and then scratches behind its ear before it finally bothers turning to Seungmin again. It doesn't mouth its lips but once again that eerie voice is clearly coming out of it when it speaks.

„I wanted to check up on you. You still haven't really made any changes and time is kind of running out, kid. You know, I'm actually not supposed to really get involved like this, but I kinda feel responsible. I was pushing for the whole second chance thing after all. And you know usually I should just be watching over you, making sure you're okay, do the whole providing guidance without actually appearing before you thing. But boy are you bad at reading signs. So maybe you need a more obvious push. You know what you have to do, don't you? So what's holding you back?“

„I'm just... scared. What if things don't work out either way?“, Seungmin asks. He knows the answer to that one already. Maybe he had always known. And when the cat speaks again he realises that the weird voice sounds so familiar because it's kind of like how his own voice sounds in his head when he speaks while covering his ears.

„That could always happen. But you do know that in the end, it's up to you. It could go bad. But it could also go so well. And isn't that something worth fighting for?“

It is. And Seungmin knows. He had always known. But he had been stupid and afraid. But there might be some time left. And maybe, just maybe, he can make things right. If he just says what's on his mind. Because isn't that would Hyunjin wants him to do. What he always encourages him to do. And isn't it usually so easy for him to be honest? It should not be hard. It should not be frightening.

„I need to go see Hyunjin right now“, Seungmin declares to the empty room. His window is open, the cat is gone.

Seungmin takes his bike down the block in the middle of the night and stops on the front porch of the Hwang family. All lights inside the building are turned off, it's already close to midnight after all but Seungmin won't stop now. He picks up a few small twigs from the ground – using stones would maybe be more obvious but also poses a higher risk – and aims for Hyunjin's window. The first throw misses. But the second twig hits the window. And then the third one as well. Seungmin feels silly, like someone out of a cheesy romance movie pulling up to their crushes home with a ghetto blaster for one last chance to make that big gesture. But instead, all he has is a hand full of sticks. He's about to throw a fourth when a light turns on in Hyunjin's room and moments later the window opens.

„Seungmin?“, Hyunjin calls. His head is poking out of the window, warm light illuminating him from behind. The sun arose from the east and is here to kill all of Seungmin's doubts.

„I love you“, he yells. Probably loud enough to alert half the neighbourhood but he doesn't care anymore. Even from down here, he can see how Hyunjin's eyes widen in surprise before his whole features soften.

„Wait, don't you dare go anywhere, I'll be down in a moment“, he shouts back, before closing the window again. Seungmin anxiously twiddles his thumbs while staring at the front door. Even though it can't have been more than a couple of seconds the time between Hyunjin leaving the window and Hyunjin bursting out of the front door in his pyjamas seems to drag on endlessly. But then he's finally there, launching himself at Seungmin. His longer, lankier body tears Seungmin down as he catches his boyfriend in his arms and they both topple over backwards and fall into the neatly cut grass. Seungmin wants to say something but he is cut off by his boyfriend's lips sealing his mouth. And he melts into it. Knowing that everything will be fine from now on.

When they part for air Seungmin can see the entire night sky behind Hyunjin. It's a wonderfully clear and crisp night, the sky filled with thousands of stars and yet Seungmin only has eyes for Hyunjin.

„Let's move in together“, he says. „Let's go to the same university. Let's stay together. I'm sorry that it took me so long to say it, but I was scared. I'm still scared. But I want to be with you. I think no matter where I go in the end it would lead me back to you. I can't imagine being without you. I-“

Hyunjin cuts him off with another kiss. Softer this time.

„Me neither“, he whispers, when he pulls back again. „I love you too. And I'm also scared. But we can figure this out. I think we can do everything as long as we're together.“

„Yeah, as long as we're together“, Seungmin repeats. And he knows that it's true. This time he knows for sure what he had always known deep down. That this is the right path. They will walk the road less travelled together and it might be a rocky path. It might be an uphill climb. But it's all worth it for the view from the top where they are closer to the sun. And closer to each other.

★

Seungmin picks up the fat grey cat Hyunjin recently brought home and places her back down on the floor. She must have climbed on the table while he wasn't watching to take a look at the groceries Seungmin just brought home. The cat looks at him with big yellow eyes and for a moment he has the weird sensation that he has seen something like that before. But he shakes off the weird feeling as he turns his attention back onto the groceries laid out on the table. It's almost time for dinner, the only thing missing is-

As if that line of thought alone had been enough to manifest him the front door creaks open in that exact moment and Hyunjin enters their little apartment. Seungmin watches as he takes off his coat and then bends down to pet the cat that came running for him as soon as he stepped inside. After he is done playing with the stray he adopted he finally walks into the kitchen where Seungmin is waiting with open arms.

„You're late“, he jokingly complains as Hyunjin embraces him tightly. The other boy laughs, his warm breath tickles Seungmin's neck.

„Sorry, traffic was crazy, but I'm here now“, he says. Seungmin takes a step back to look at his boyfriend. No matter how many years it has been he still can't get enough of just staring at him and wondering how one man could be so lucky to have such a wonderful person in his life. What he doesn't know is that he is about to become even luckier. Because traffic wasn't the only thing holding Hyunjin up. And there is a small box hidden in the back pocket of his jeans that he intends to reveal after dinner. But for now, he's just here. And Seungmin is here. And they are together, just like they were always supposed to.


End file.
